Remember your child's whole life is moulded in the first few years, even months...
If your child's basic needs are met, and she receives lots of love, attention and stimulation, then it is likely that she will grow up a happy person.
It is important for parents to understand that their child's personality is more dependent on what their child learns from them than anything that is inherited.
Many features of your child's personality will affect her future prospects such as the ability to relate to people and rub along; to learn from mistakes,
the willingness to muck in and work hard: the power to observe, concentrate, enquire; the ability to be creative, thorough, determined, ambitious.
Parents can do much to strengthen inborn traits such as independence, responsiveness, thoroughness, a placid nature, self-reliance.
Parents must take responsibility for wittingly or unwittingly imposing their own character traits on their children.
An impatient parent rarely has a patient child.
A difficult child often has a difficult parent. A difficult child often is responding normally to a difficult family set-up.
A placid parent who takes everything in her stride is very unlikely to have a difficult child.
To be happy, our children have to make good personal as well as social adjustments.
In a culture such as ours where social life is very complex, personality is important.
As parents, we are called on to play many roles in our children's lives.
One of the most important is to create a loving and stimulating environment for our children.
Another is to monitor their healthy development and encourage in them a good self-image,
though we know of no single factor that is absolutely essential to help our children develop this.
But what we do know is that consistent unconditional acceptance, concern, sympathy and respect, maintaining a sharing, dignified relationship...
and encouraging freedom and independence with clearly defined limits are certainly the best bases from which to build one.
Understanding how children's minds and feelings work is at least as important as understanding how their bodies work.
A child starts to absorb information from the moment he or she is born, and it is from parents that a child gets most of his or her information.
The changes that occur from birth to five years of age are the most dramatic and also it is the only time that parents are the most important people in children's lives.
As parents, we are called on to play many roles in our children's lives, but the most important part we play is at the start of their journey.
It is not easy for children to understand the adults, but it is sometimes hard to understand the child's world. If you miss their first years you may never find the way to decode it....
My Grandmother
has told me once:
"Everything you need
for parenting is already inside you,
trust your intuition
and follow your heart."
When I was eleven years old,
my Mother
I didn't know
came to collect me
from the Grandmother's house.
I never forget my first doctor's visit
with my Mother,
"Any childhood illnesses up to five
you know about?"
He asked casually.
"I don't remember,"
I looked at my Mother.
"Me neither," she nodded quietly.
"Granny would know," I screamed out.
The doctor looked up
from his notes alarmed.
"I don't think so, she is too old and didn't write
anything down." My Mum replied.
"What about her Father?" The doctor asked.
"He emigrated when she was still a baby,
the enemy of the state he is now."
I ran away from my Mother
back to my Grandmother's house.
Found her lying in her bed,
her eyes closed.
"Do you remember me when I was a baby?"
I shook her violently,
but she didn't respond.
"I would never have children of my own,
to become 'mother' like mine."
I cried next to her.
She whispered something
I put my ear close to her mouth.
"I don't believe you,"
I ran out
banging the door
loudly
behind.
"Parenting helps children
to build their creativity
and self-esteem,
to express their innate joyful selves
and prepare them
for leading a fulfilling life."
I had memorized,
preparing for my 'Teaching Degree'
while pregnant with my first child.
What about the feeling
of security and love?
I wondered for myself,
but then,
hushed my thoughts away,
'Knowledge is the key.'
Before my first child was born,
I was worried,
so many questions to ask:
"Will I be a good parent,
do I manage?
Can I ever prepare to do enough
to help my child
become
well-integrated
and joyful human being?"
I collected all the books
about parenting
from a local library
and studied up to late at night.
I woke up exhausted
and sick next day,
not wiser.
Early morning sickness
caught me unaware
commuting
in overcrowded
slowly moving bus.
Asked a grumpy bus driver to stop
to get out
ending up
in grey
cold
winter drizzle
finding refugee
in a rundown bus stop shelter
waiting another hour
for another slow and rusty
overcrowded bus.
The shelter's walls were painted red,
a huge 'hammer and sickle' sign
with a Russian flag
dominated the sight
like everywhere else.
Then my eyes stopped on a little placard
with Chinese proverb:
'Life itself can not give you joy, unless you really will it.
Life just gives you time and space - it's up to you to fill it.'
Back home, after a long day work,
I opened the book 'Your First Five Years'
I started to write
expressing love
for my neo-natal child,
and added the Chinese proverb
on its cover page.
I smiled somehow more confident,
preparing the family surrounding,
to be similar to his or her seed bed,
warm, quiet, save and comfortable,
but filled with love and impulses,
the best gift I could give it to her.
And then my daughter was born,
in the tiny hospital
somewhere in the Eastern Europe.
I just heard her tiny cry
and stretched my arms towards the sound.
To be told off by a strict nurse,
that every baby must be first
weighed and washed,
had drops in the eyes,
dressed on the cord stump,
examined physically
and had a cot to lie in.
"All these things must be done,
but why must they be done right now?"
I pleaded, to no avail.
The emotional attachment
was not a priority
in that Communist age and time.
The first week,
I wrote in her special book.
'You and me at hospital,
seeing you only at feeding time,
still the ways you behaved,
taught me how to be more gentle,
before you were snatched away.
I taught myself to be more relaxed.'
"To recognize the cause of crying is the first thing,
which should be done."
I copied these words down
from one of those many books
I finally piled up and returned to library.
In the second week,
I draw a happy face in her book.
'You at home,
and I realized your crying
is your way
of communication.
I use my voice,
my heart beat
to calm you down.'
'In six weeks
you have changed
from a totally unpredictable
to a person with tastes,
preferences and characteristics
of your own.
You are settled,
you are who you are
and you will be for the rest of your life.'
'As these first few weeks passed,
your interests in people
becomes increasingly obvious.
Faces fascinate you.
Every time the face
comes within your short focusing range
you study it intently form hairline to mouth,
finishing by gazing into the eyes.
One day it finishes with your first true social gesture - SMILE.'
This is the page my daughter liked the most,
and asked me to read it over and over
while growing up from a toddler to a very inquisite child,
long after passing her five years,
with the last page of her book lovingly filled in.
She was twenty-five,
pregnant with her first child,
when she opened her book again,
touching gently my handwriting,
under one of the many black and white happy snaps,
I took while she explored
the world around on her own.
'Feeling joy is a choice we make.
It's a natural choice,
as a parent I can not give you more
than to encourage you with activities
that connect you with your inner joy.'
My pregnant daughter looked at me
with a big question in her eyes,
and I whispered quietly into her ear:
"Everything you need
for parenting is already inside you,
trust your intuition
and follow your heart."
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