Teenagers live in their own world...
One of the most important lessons I have learnt in my years as a mother is to keep the lines of communication open with my kids. Sometimes it is hard to talk to them, especially when they are teenagers.
Often they don't look like they are listening to you. But that's the time when it's most important to find a way talk to them - not to lecture them, but to tell them things you think are important for them to know.
Their attitude towards tomorrow tends to differ according to how they feel about today. That, in turn tends to depend on how they feel about yesterday.
We all make assumptions and teenagers are the expert in that field. When you start to tell them things they jump ahead in their minds to see if they can get to the end of the sentence before you...
They were so sure you were going to say something else, they probably felt cheated by that unexpected word...they burst out in anger, they can not control...
You can only imagine what were going through their head, but you stood your ground and it was also good, it reinforced your parenting position, you were making the right decision...it was a powerful experience of living with a teenager...
This experience teaches us that best rarely occurs. Always apparently, there will be some kind of compromise to contend with. If we are wise and fortunate parents, we may look back...
...and realize later that it is just as well things didn't turn out the way we hoped. That said, sometimes, just sometimes we do get what we want...
and teenagers listen to us, for a short miraculous moment and respond the way we expect them to do...if this is one of those times, cherish it....
...because it changes back to 'teenager's normal behaviour' quicker than you think, do not let catch you unprepared...when it happens to me, I turn to art...
Entertainment is about distracting people from the disappointments of their daily lives. Art, on the other hand, had such an impact on people that strange things can happen in their souls,
mysteries can become clear, opaque things can become evident, the complicated becomes simple, what is probable becomes necessary, but most of all, art is about uniting people.
If I can not communicate with my teenagers we write to each other. Writings seem to become better as we learn more about ourselves through our writings. Through our writings we both realized...
that we all constantly strive to find an honesty in what we do. It's not about being the best, I try to explain to my teenagers, it is about finding the integrity behind the story and within the story...
and letting it out as gracefully and easily as possible...it's about finding your own unique voice, after all, it's not about us, it's all about the story.
I let them know through my writings that I choose to have them because I love to be a mother. I also am very lucky to be surrounded by amazing people, my teenagers.
Joy comes form living next to people you love. The rest just falls into place. As time goes on, I am enjoying parenting more and more, and getting more and more relaxed.
Being a parent, just like being a writer, takes a lot of dedication. If you don't put in the time, you won't go the distance. I am a parent trying to make a difference in my childrens' lives...
I am a writer trying to make art. Only time will tell if I succeeded. Only I can do for now is try...
Driven to the brink of suicide
by uncaring parents,
by vicious bullies
at school
is not something
any parents
want to brag about.
Having the last laugh
is still not enough,
having lived
every kid's worst nightmare,
you are happy
just travelling through life,
teaching your children
to be open-minded
to be comfortable
with other people
and other children,
who don't fit
the popular
mainstream
types.
Preaching
understanding
and
acceptance,
to help
young people
to stand for themselves
is easier
than
sharing
your own story,
the suicide
you nearly
didn't survive.
The graduation
from primary school
to high,
no longer,
the oldest in a school,
you'd known for half a decade,
the youngest again
the most vulnerable,
in scary,
unfamiliar territory,
heaving with hormonal kids
fighting for their place
under the sun.
Complicated by desire
for the opposite sex,
dreaming about having
a ready-made set of friends,
trying to be the same
like everyone else.
Gangs of pubescent girls,
slaps and punches,
group assaults,
fighting over
the same
good-looking
cool guy,
you didn't really
care about,
all you wanted
is non-cool dude,
the nerdy,
smart guy,
who dared
to dream big,
without following
the crowd.
With innocent naivety
you condemned
yourself
to be different,
leaving
behind
every level
of
that
silly
school
hierarchy,
you copped it
physically
and
spiritually,
everyone
from the bottom
could get away
with bullying
you.
Your care-givers
thought
you have done
something wrong
to be getting that kind
of attention.
"Pretty and obedient girls
are not bullied at school,"
was their answer to you.
They forced you
to go to school,
sobbing
and scared.
You couldn't learn,
constantly
watching your back.
"You're a weirdo
and you're never
going to be anything,"
ringed constantly in your ears
but you were determined,
not to let the bullies win.
And yet,
you were lonely,
the injuries
to your self-esteem
were worse than the pain,
harming yourself,
hiding in your room,
slicing your wrists,
you phoned your only friend
before you lost
your consciesness.
"She is attention-seeking,"
was a new brand name for you.
Your care-givers
labeled you 'difficult,'
but you managed
to get through,
you kept your dignity
and you finished the school.
Now,
with the benefit
of hindsight,
you are able to see
those few schools' years
as character building.
It made you
who you are.
You are glad,
that the attempted suicide
wasn't successful,
you are glad,
that you followed your dreams
having your own teenagers now,
you would never dare
to tell them this story...
too painful, too shameful, too close to your heart...
But also you never tell them
to put up with bullying,
or reassure them that it is "character building",
or tell them to ignore it and it will go away.
Whether they are victim or a bystander,
they have to report it
and force parents and school to deal with it,
because their lives are at stakes,
teenagers live now,
their years of high schools
are everything they care about,
friends are everything,
they can help them up
or pull them down...
Listen to them,
and deal with their worries,
immediatelly...
bullying is serious,
can not wait,
later is sometimes too late.
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